Yellow, Not Brown Predominant in “ture Reich Dog,’ Skit Finds

Although Jews appear to have had something approaching a monopoly on German humor, as evidenced by the inability of the Reich to put on a recent “all-Aryan” funny broadcast, there undoubtedly were others in the fatherland whose sense of the ridiculous was stronger than their willingness to bow to an authority which failed to comply with their ideas of intelligence and reason.

Included in this latter group were the publishers and editors of Simplicus, a German magazine, whose sense of humor and inability to join the goosestep parade brought their ejection from Hitler’s Germany. The magazine is now being printed in Prague.

“Aryan” Dogs

In a recent issue of Simplicus Waldemar Grimm does a burlesque skit entitled “The Genuine German Dog,” which catches the spirit of stupidity now the keynote of all official Reich utterances. The article is introduced with the following passage:

“The German State Department of Agriculture and Food Conservation has undertaken to determine which breed of dog may be considered genuinely German. Simplicus is already in a position to anticipate the most important part of the report the experts are going to hand in.”

The Report

Mr. Grimm’s conception of how the “report” will look follows: “…in conclusion we wish to say: German dogs existed at all times. They are as old as the German national itself. In ancient Germanic settlements one finds skeletons of dogs roving clearly that there existed a near kinship between the Teuton and his dog, a kinship of fate, soil, and blood. All the characteristic traits of dog and man indicate a racial similarity that no observer can fail to recognize.

“And just as the dog practically mirrored the physical and ethical traits of the master, so can reduce from the remands of Germanic dog-culture the inherent type of Teutonic mentality. As early as the times or Wotan we find dogs on Germanic soil; the God-Leader was constantly surrounded by more or less dirty dogs which dutifully licked his boots several times a day. In this way they demonstrated their truly Germanic loyalty.

“In the course of the last centuries the mixture of non-Teutonic strains has more and more spoiled the character of the German dog and impaired the purity of its race. The influx of the international under-dog practically canceled all the typically German traits. Therefore one must demand that the racial purity of the German dog be guarded and guaranteed by the respective application of the same ‘Aryan’ paragraph that is so intelligently employed in the regeneration of career bureaucracy. “The genuine German dog is unfailingly to be recognized by the fact that it scents the Leader-Man among thousands, knows him immediately by his peculiar smell, and licks his feet with a joyful wagging of the Teutonic tail. In addition to this the genuine German dog utters a sound very much like our ‘Hail Hitler’ cry whenever the Leader-Man puts his foot on the dog’s neck or gives him one of the typical Leader-kicks.

“For in contrast to all ‘non-Aryan’ dogs, the genuine German dog possesses such a degree of soldier-like fortitude that it gratefully thanks the Leader for every blow, that it joyfully accepts every lash of the whip, knowing that all this is a purely educational measure springing from a truly German heart and administered by a capable German hand. In fact one can observe at every step that it is the aim and the ideal of the German dog to minimize the distance that divides the dog and the Man-Leader.

“The purely animalistic mob enthusiasm of the national -socialistic State of Adolf Hitler is a great and effective help in this direction.

“A further prominent racial trait of the German dog is loyalty. If the German can say so himself, loyalty is the very marrow of honor, they German dog hails loyalty proudly as the marrowbone of honor. This loyalty between animal and man, between brute and Lader, finds its expression in a fusion of sentiments, not to say ideals, common to both, ### fusion which unquestionably has reached its epitome in our great Leader.

“The nationalistic awakening of the German nation has also deeply influenced the life, the very existence of dogdom and will surely solve the problems of the genuine Germanic canine. The German dogs expect of their beloved Leader Adolf Hitler that he will not stop merely at the coordination of the Third Reich. He must go further and further on the path he has chosen. They await from him the recognition that is their due, and they hope for the glorious moment when entire Germany will go to the dogs.”