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‘Princesses: Long Island’ episode 6 recap: Clip notes

(Bravo)

(Bravo)

This morning 6NoBacon is reporting live from a rainy family resort in a mountainous Northeastern town, where we have just learned a very important lesson. The lesson is this: One need not have access to Bravo in order to find out what has gone down on the latest episode of “Princesses.” In fact, it turns out that looking at the photos and video clips Bravo has posted to their website is just as informative—and far less irritating—than spending a whole hour in front of the TV.

What? You are surprised that the show’s sophisticated plot lines, played out by such highly developed and nuanced characters, could be boiled down to a couple of minutes? We were shocked too, but it’s true people. Read on and see for yourself.

On last night’s drama-packed episode, there were four main events:

1. Chanel goes wedding dress shopping with her sister, which (surprise!) is really hard for her. It can’t help that Chanel, who is nowhere near getting engaged herself and whose biggest fear is turning into an old maid, tries on a gown.

2. Fashion show number two happens in Amanda’s living room, where Babs, Amanda’s wannabe best friend (who also happens to be her mom), models outfits for Amanda’s sister Taylor, a boy who might be their brother, and Ilton, Amanda’s actual best friend. Babs spins around in front of these bright young things, name dropping labels and sticking out her cleavage.

Taylor: “She looks hot in anything.”

Amanda, sort of jokingly: “Hey, that’s my thing.”

Amanda can make fun of her mom all she wants, but, wow—this apple has not fallen far from one very narcissistic tree.

3. The girls go speed dating. It’s unclear from the clips if any love connections are made, but things do get racy, thanks to Joey.

“How big is your…,” she asks a potential suitor. “Pull it out, I want to know!”

Hey, isn’t Joey supposed to be the relateable one here? Ashlee seems just as shocked as we were (at least per the photos), which might have something to do with the friends’ future fight (see below).

4. Amanda throws a white party in honor of the launch of Drink Hanky, her controversial line of beverage sheaths. What could go wrong in a room full of scantily-clad princesses who’ve come out to support their friend? Everything, naturally! Or, as Erica so deftly put it in one of those confessional interviews, “Holy mishugas balls!”

Not only do Joey and Ashlee get into a fight, but Chanel goes at it with someone, too. We can’t tell who it is (the woman’s face was blurred out), or why Coco was so angry (although we assume she’s still riding the fumes of her bridal gown angst), but we’re sure we’ll hear all about it next week, when, thankfully (or not?) Bravo will once again be part of our cable lineup.

We’ll fill you in then.

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