In Time For Tu B’av, Dating Advice From The Experts


Going to a huge singles party offers great opportunities but involves many questions. How do you stand out? Should you talk to a few people, or rather try to engage with a lot of people? Here’s some advice from the experts:

Wear something that makes you stand out

Erin Davis, who runs a matchmaking business called Erin Davis Wing Woman, advocates peacocking, meaning wear something that will help you stand out in the crowd.

“Since everyone is wearing white it can be hard,” Davis said. “I’ve seen guys wear a gold chain or a wild pocket-square with a white suit. For women, you can have a flashy accessory that stands out. It gives someone an opportunity to compliment you on what you’re wearing.” She also advocates going for quality over quantity. It’s not necessary to talk to 10 or more people, she says, rather you should try to zero in on three serious prospects to have a longer chat with.

If you strike out once, don’t dwell on it

Rejection is part of the game, the key is not to let it get to you, says JSwipe founder David Yarus.

“Just like you don’t like everyone, not everyone likes you,” Yarus said. “That’s life. If someone isn’t interested in you, it’s easy to become negative and take that energy into a conversation with the next person you meet. As tough at it is, you have to forget about it and not take it personally.”

Make smart choices but don’t be too hard on yourself

Two guys both like the same girl, should one back off?

“It’s really important to weigh a friendship with the fact that often first encounters are just gonna be a first date, one and done,” says Lori Salkin, a matchmaker for and dating coach. “You have to balance your personal interest with long standing friendships. On the other hand, it’s important to advocate for yourself and take chances. Ultimately, there’s usually a little bit of natural selection.”

If it’s clear the person of interest has a preference for one person, the friend should let that play out, she says, and if it doesn’t ultimately work out a real friend will recommend them after. She also reminds people not to be overly critical of themselves.

“The dating world is hard enough as it is, people shouldn’t be so hard on themselves,” she said.

The ex doesn’t always mark the spot

Past relationships can easily come up, even in a first conversation, should you steer clear of talking about your exes?

“I think it depends on how you go about it,” says Leah Gottfried, who created and stars on the web-series “Soon By You” about modern orthodox dating on the Upper West Side. “If you are clearly over it and having fun, I think it’s ok. But a lot of the time there’s still some stinging, and you could come off as bitter, and that’s definitely not a good way to make a first impression.”

Keep it clean

Food and restaurants are great conversations starters says Elan Kornblum, President and Publisher of Great Kosher Restaurants Media Group. It can even plant the seed for a later dinner date if you bond over cusines or talk about some great food places. But when eating at the party, be cautious.

“You don’t want to get your clothes dirty,” Kornblum said. “Especially when wearing white… Bring a bib or be careful.”

Be original, confident and have fun!

It’s okay to ask someone what they do for a living but you shouldn’t open with that question, says Nava Silton, assistant professor of psychology at Marymount Manhattan College.

“Try to think of something unique about yourself that maybe nobody else could say,” Silton said. “It’s always good to use humor and most of all, project confidence. And look at is as a night to have fun and if you meet someone, that’s great. Don’t go in with the expectation that you have to meet your husband or wife.”

Meet some couples who found love at a Tu B’av white party in New York City.