In two days, I shall leave
Into the unknown I travel
With my heart sunk deep in my chest
A heavy heart is just that
The feeling of that vital organ dropped into my stomach
From two stories high
It hits me with a great force
And I realize I am afraid
Afraid of taking responsibility
Always before I have been the one cared for
Always before I’ve put my life in someone else’s hand
And though my mind denies it, it is easier to have your happiness banked on someone else than have someone else’s happiness banked on you
My mind says that control is good
But my heart tells me it is easier to give it up
And I worry
I worry that I will fail
That I will not be able to handle the control handed to me
That I will disappoint the ones entrusted to my care
My friends want younger campers
“They are easier to boss around,” they say
But me? I want them older. I want them to be my age. I want them to be old and wise enough to be responsible for themselves
And not leave it up to me
Because I am just human
And human nature is to fail
And I
I worry I will fail
