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How many of you saw that blood-curdling story of villainy out of Chicago last week, which told how Joseph Pierron. five feet four inches of courageous Nazi manhood, bred bed bugs in wholesale quantities and unleashed his pets in the Jewish-occupied apartments of the house in which he was employed?

Although Joseph had a wife, and in that respect fell far short of the best traditions of Nazi leadership, he was otherwise true to type.

He treated Mrs. Pierron in accordance with the highest tenets of Nazidom as regards its womenfolk—that is to say, he used his fists and his feet on her.

Unlike others of her suffering sisters, the abbreviated Nazi’s wife grew tired of being bounced off walls and articles of furniture, and went to the Jewish proprietor of the apartment hotel with the entire tale of Joseph’s buggy activities.

Where will these Nazis strike next? If this ruthless terrorist campaign continues, one can well envision the headline of tomorrow:

“Jewish Perfume Manufacturer Finds Limburger Cheese on His Instep. Investigators Scent Reich Plot.”

“Cloaks and Suits King, Indigestion Victim, Goes to Favorite Kosher Restaurant, Orders Sour Cream and Radishes, Is Served Complete German Dinner Instead. Soda Bicarb Market, Controlled by Nazis, Hits New Heights.”

“Athletes’s Foot Epidemic Has Jews Throughout World Limping. Scheme to Disable Semitic Athletes Planning Olympic Participation Seen.”

A campaign such as this is certain to win for Pierron the enduring respect and affection of his Nazi compatriots. Some day, perhaps, the Horst Wessel Lied will be replaced by the Joseph Pierron Lied.

Joseph Pierron: First in War, First in Peace, First in the Beds of His Countrymen.

Jews of the world, I, Joseph Pierron, warn you! Before I am finished, beds will roll in the dust!

The following anthem is dedicated to our Nazi comrade, Joseph Pierron, who died in martyrdom. Comrade Pierron scratched himself to death when he was bitten accidentally by Adolf, his pet bed bug, whom he had trained to prey on sleeping Jews

THE JOSEPH PIERRON LIED

Bring out your Flit! Spray pillows, quilts and springs!

The bed bugs march with quick, determined pace.

Comrades, destroy your beds, subdue your yawns,

Sleep standing, prove the spirit of your race.

Now clear the sheets! the Brown Battalion comes.

The climax lectularius draws near.

The Hitler flag can’t save you from your plight.

The day of crawling mattresses is here.

For once and all the battle cry sounds forth,

So stand prepared to carry on the fight.

Unsheath your swastika: It has its points.

Use them to scratch yourself when bed bugs bite.

—A. J. B.

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