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  • Birthday haiku for Woody Allen

    **** A haiku? Oh, Geez. Are dipthongs two syllables? Some birthday present… **** Happy Birthday, Woody Allen (76). Don’t worry too much; the universe is expanding anyways.

  • Birthday haiku for Howie Mandel

    **** Gremlin, toon baby TV doc, real life comic This Deal’s got Talent **** Happy Birthday, Howie Mandel (56). You’re all sorts of funny.

  • Birthday haiku for Jon Stewart

    **** With drooping blue eyes the nightly satirist’s gaze probes a nation’s soul **** Happy Birthday, Jon Stewart (49). We know you’re one of ours because you make us laugh, cry and feel guilty all at the same time.

  • Birthday haiku for Scarlett Johansson

    **** Rose or violet? Red or blue? How’d he woo that kosher half of you **** Happy Birthday, Scarlett Johansson. Glad Joseph Gordon-Levitt figured out the key to your heart — and your house.

  • Birthday haiku for Drake

    **** Find Your Love, Kanye; don’t you and Jay-Z do like Degrassi did Drake **** Happy Birthday, Drake. Keep up the good work, increase the peace and quit idolizing Tupac like that; such tzuris ‘twould cause a Jewish mother!  

  • Birthday haiku for Chris Kattan

    **** Define: What is Love? Too sexy, spicy Mango. No, Mr. Peepers! **** Happy birthday, Chris Kattan (41), Saturday Night Live legend.

  • Birthday haiku for Michelle Trachtenberg

     Michelle Trachtenberg, later years. Could this really be the same girl who mistook a urinal for a footwash in ‘Pete and Pete?’ (covlanz718, CC BY-ND 2.0) **** From ‘Nick’ to ‘Gossip,’ another nice Jewish girl grows up, loses wings **** Happy birthday Michelle Trachtenberg (26). When I was a kid, your TV roles were so…

  • Birthday haiku for Les Moonves

    **** Franz as Ben-Gurion: “NYPD Blue and White” Make great-uncle proud **** Happy birthday Les Moonves (62). We’re still kinds surprised that you were cool letting Dennis Franz play Ben-Gurion on CBS, the latter being your great-uncle and all. P.S. Pardon me? You think Ben-Gurion is four syllables? Sorry, holmes. Israelis pronounce it in three. Holy…

  • Birthday haiku for Jesse Eisenberg

    **** Can’t believe he made Facebook’s overlord look like a loveable shmuck   OMG, Jesse can invade my privacy anytime. Signed, girl. **** Happy birthday Jessie Eisenberg (28), star of The Social Network. It takes a great actor to make us overlook the fact that Facebook is taking over the world.

  • Birthday Haiku for Leonard Cohen

    **** Who by Fire? Water? And who by hackneyed covers of “Hallelujah?” **** Happy Birthday Leonard Cohen. Sorry for going overboard with the Hallellujah covers. Here’s a song to get you geared up for the High Holidays: