Mikvah Lady Marries Shul Candy Man


Monsey, N.Y. — On Monday night, hundreds of well-wishers gathered at Simcha’s Simcha Hall in Monsey to celebrate the marriage of Anita Duncan, manager of the local mikvah (ritual bath), to Sammy Zees, a shul candy man.

Zees, who distributes sweet treats to children in his synagogue every Shabbat morning, said that marrying Duncan fulfilled a lifelong dream for him.

“Anita has a sweet tooth,” he said, “so I’m thrilled to be her Sugar Daddy. She enjoys my Paydays, and jokingly calls me her $100,000 Bar. I call her my little Redhot. I just adore her Mounds.”

The marriage ceremony was co-officiated by two rabbis, Mike and Ike.

Asked how their families felt about the union, Zees admitted, “We’ve gotten some Snickers and Chuckles. But that’s to be expected. Now we’re looking forward to a Baby Ruth.”
Duncan confessed that her marriage to a candy man has created one unforeseen complication at the mikvah. “I’m finding Gummy Fish in the water,” she revealed. “But that’s my only mikvah problem, period.”