The thought of a Jewish man battering his wife often strikes the same cognitive dissonance as the idea of football hero O.J. Simpson standing trial for the murder of his ex-wife.
But in the wake of the much-publicized Simpson case, the volume of calls to shelters and domestic violence agencies catering to Jewish women has jumped, reflecting what experts say is the oft-denied truth that Jews are victims of domestic violence as much as the population at large.
The Family Violence Prevention Center in New York City has had 25 percent more calls to its hot line since the Simpson case started making headlines in mid-June, according to a spokesperson.
And the Family Violence Project of Los Angeles, part of the local Jewish Family Service, has seen the number of new calls for services nearly double, said Lynn Moriarty, director of the center.
“Something as startling as this breaks through a lot of denial,” said Moriarty.
Despite ongoing efforts by communal agencies and religious movements to educate Jewish communities about the problem, experts say the perception that Jewish homes are untouched by domestic violence persists.
“This has been the best-kept secret in the whole community for many years,” Moriarty said.
Experts who work with abused women from a range of ethnic backgrounds say the patterns of intimidation, abuse and reconciliation in abusive relationships, and the need for control which drives the abuser, easily crosses cultural lines.
“There’s really a very interesting universality when it comes to abuse,” said Susan Hirschstein, director of residential services for the Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence, in New York state. “Under the cultural differences, women really have very much in common, especially in this area.”
HARDER TO ADMIT IN DOUBTING COMMUNITY
What is different for a Jewish woman are the social forces within the Jewish community that affect when, and whether, she and her family receive help.
Directors of shelters and social service programs around the country say that Judaism’s emphasis on family, and the notions of a “nice Jewish husband” and a “happy Jewish home” often lead battered women to hide or deny the abuse.
The fear of failing to live up to these ideals, experts say, makes it more difficult for Jewish women to recognize they are being abused and less likely that they will seek out help.
“In a community that believes this doesn’t happen in our community,” said Hirschstein, “it’s even harder for someone to come out and say, ‘Yes, it does.’ “
Spousal abuse occurs in 10 percent to 20 percent of Jewish households, according to a 1983 study published in the Journal of Jewish Communal Service. Social workers and others who work with battered Jewish women say the rate leans more toward 20 percent, consistent with the national average.
The study also showed that unlike the population at large, Jewish women in higher socio-economic brackets may be more likely to be abused than poorer ones.
Workers at shelters said it is not uncommon to have young Jewish professionals arrive at a shelter with nothing but their children and the clothes they are wearing.
Because abusive spouses often maintain complete control over the family’s finances, many women lack the financial resources to flee or fear a drastic drop in material lifestyle if they do.
Nevertheless, abuse in the Jewish community crosses economic and denominational lines, with rich, poor, secular and religious women all at significant risk of being battered by their spouses.
There is also great fear among Jews of threatening the family’s social position, or simply not being believed because of a spouse’s prominence in the community.
In many cases, experts say, women’s stories of abuse are not believed, or she herself is blamed for “disrupting” the community or home.
Others hide abuse from their doctors and therapists.
Hirschstein said it is common for batterers to claim their wives deserve to be beaten.
“Women often say, ‘He said to me if I’d only had dinner ready at 6 when he walked in,’ ” said Hirschstein.
This demoralization, as well as social and financial isolation, and the hope that things will somehow get better, is what often keeps battered women from simply running away, experts say.
CONSTRAINED BY FEAR OF EMBARRASSMENT
While some look to the Jewish community for support services, others go to programs outside the community for fear of exposing their spouses — or themselves — to embarrassment.
Rabbis can sometimes be complicit in this denial, dismissing complaints or counseling women to return home and try to make things better.
“With rabbis, it’s a hit-or-miss,” said Rabbi Julie Ringold Spitzer, author of “Spousal Abuse in Rabbinic and Contemporary Judaism.” She said the chances of getting a responsive rabbi does not vary among the denominations.
As a result of ongoing efforts within the Jewish community — most of it in the last 10-15 years — activists say that rabbis and lay leaders have become increasingly aware of the problem, and how to deal with it effectively.
Most larger Jewish communities have task forces or social service agencies dedicated to the topic, with referral and advocacy services, shelters, psychological treatment for batterers, hot lines, community education and other services.
Some of these groups receive partial funding from the Jewish Board of Family and Children’s Services and from local Jewish federations, as well as from other agencies, local and federal grants and private donations.
Many service organizations and shelters grew out of grass-roots efforts begun in the 1970s and ’80s by Jews — nearly all of them women –trying to put domestic violence on the agenda.
High on the priority of these groups has been teaching Jewish educators and leaders how to recognize and handle the problem.
The Archive of the Jewish Telegraphic Agency includes articles published from 1923 to 2008. Archive stories reflect the journalistic standards and practices of the time they were published.
