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Black on White

November 30, 1934
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1. Ideological Tragedy: She tells it with tears in her eyes. Morris loves her, loves her well enough to marry her. But he is a ruthless Left while she, alas and alack deviates about Left-by-northeast. Wherefore he cannot marry her. The old, old. story — love me, love my dogma.

2. Bargains in Grandeur: The wife of the co-author sailed down the main aisle of the theatre on opening night with a dignity to match the occasion. She headed straight for the reserved seats of glory in the front rows, looking neither right nor left. She drew the long, opulent looking ermine cape snugly around her dignity, as though to shield herself against the familiarity of less important mortals around her.

But one such mortal was insistent. “Sarah! Sarah!” she yelled after the great lady. But Sarah, she budged not. Not, at least, until the unrecognized friend grabbed her arm and whispered in her ear. Then she budged in a panic.

Dragging behind her, still attached to the “ermine” cape, was one of those familiar, over-size, colored tags marked “S. Klein.”

BOOK REVIEW:

Six Soviet Plays deserves many editions,

Says the editor himself, without inhibitions.

SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT:

A German girl here married these many years to a Jew and simply doting on her husband has been subjected to a good deal of friendly joshing since Hitler came into power. The German-Jewish combination seems irresistible to the sense of humor of their mutual friends. They cannot help supposing aloud, by way of a pleasant joke, that she is a Nazi.

By now the girl has worked out a standardized answer. She draws the joker aside and in a mysterious whisper informs him:

“Yes, I am a Nazi. It is my duty—the duty of every Nazi—to torture at least one Jew. So I married him….”

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Four out of five get it. I mean the urge to write. The fifth is a columnist, whose chief urge is not to write.

The way to make them all happy is obvious. Let the four contribute to the unfortunate fifth. Verse, prose and intermediary forms addressed to “Black on White” will be gratefully received, read—then either published or pardoned. The invitation is open to everyone but Gertrude Stein.

The editors tip me off that what this column needs is the lighter touch. The Anglo-Jewish press, they admit in private, is somewhat self-conscious and therefore solemn. I pass on the tip to contributing columnists.

JUST ON GAS:

How does a columnist keep running, day after day? For answer I offer an up-to-the-minute parable:

A salesman was demonstrating a highly advertised motor car. He ran his customer up-hill and down

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