The history of the world could be traced through “gags” that have accompanied every incident of note. The current German revolution is not without them.
Just as tales, many of them shady, came into existence when the “iron horse” went rumbling over the rails for the first time; or as Ford and Austin jokes marked the development of the motor car industry; or as “Hinky Dinkey Parley Vous” was an offshoot of the era of the great war, so political jokes have sprung up in profusion in Germany! Here are a few of them:
Q.—Who is the most desired, the most cherished woman in Germany?
A.—The 100 per cent Aryan grandmother.
Things were not as they should be in Heaven. For some days the Berlin correspondent of the Zion Daily Herald had been reporting some sort of a rumpus on earth being caused by a mortal called Hitler. Then suddenly the celestial cables went dead. The editor almost lost his halo when the deadline came and went and no news was flashed from the Berlin bureau. The paper had to go to press with a front page feature on the anniversary of Noah’s cruise, a yarn the sheet had been using on every dull day for the last thirty or forty centuries.
The editor assigned Gabriel, a reliable editorial man, to the story, told him to take the lead out of his wings, and warned him to be sure to get back some kind of a story for the next day’s edition even if he had to fake one. The paper went to press the following day with a front page feature on Eden.
“It’s either censorship or a good convention,” the editor decided when no word came from Gabriel. So he sent Peter. Next Paul, their last reporter. And for days the paper went to press without a flash from the Berlin bureau.
At length it was decided to send Moses, one of the best men in the advertising department. The following day the Zion Herald received the following message over the ouija board:
Berlin, Germany, earth, got gabriel, Peter, paul out of concentration camp they arriving in heaven this afternoon stop hold press for eye-witness accounts of big Nazi political sweep I have taken over Berlin bureau and AM in gleichgeschaltet (brought into line)
Von mosefsky
(Obergauleiter—Nazi Chief)
In Germany it is no longer necessary to resort to profanity when toes are trod upon or when jostled in the subway. The offended merely fixes the offender with his eye and coolly says, “I wish you a Jewish grandmother.”
Jews entering Palestine are said to be queried, “Do you come here out of conviction or out of Germany.”
Von Hindenburg is generally considered here as a rubber stamp president, a doddering old man, who should long ago have been out of politics. There are many “gags” apropos of his senility and his acquiesence to the new administration.
A visitor to the presidential palace threw away a scrap of paper as he emerged from the home of the so-called chief executive. A servant immediately snatched up the paper and handed it back to the visitor.
“Oh, that’s all right,” smiled the stranger. “That’s just an old scrap of paper I’m throwing away.”
“You don’t understand, sir,” the servant explained, “if Von Hindenburg saw this piece of paper lying here, he’d come toddling down those steps after it. He’s got into the habit of signing every paper he runs across.”
One sage has called the Nazi members, “Beefsteaks”—brown outside and red inside.
If you will look at a picture of Herr Dr. Goebbels you will appreciate the local appellation, “Wotan’s Mickey Mouse.”
Goebbels comes in for a lot of panning here chiefly because of his Hebraic features.
The story is told of his arrival in Weimar for a convention. He ordered the cab driver to proceed to the convention hall. With a sympathetic glance, the driver looked back and said, “Say listen, Buddy; if I was you I wouldn’t go hanging around that-neighborhood this afternoon. The Nazis are meeting there.”
The story is also told of Goebbels going swimming, getting beyond his depth, and going down for the third time.
At this crucial moment Ikey Finkelstein sees the man’s plight, gets one look at Goebbels’ nose and wastes no time plunging in after him. He saves Goebbels’ life.
Once ashore Goebbels says, “My friend, my dear friend. I owe my life to you. You may not have known it but you have the honor of having saved the life of Herr Dr. Goebbels. I will grant anything you wish as a reward.”
Ikey looked at Goebbels for a minute while the full importance of his deed sank into his consciousness. At length he said, “So I have saved the life of Dr. Goebbels. There is only one thing that I wish. I wish you wouldn’t tell anybody.”
And how is your grandmother today?
Thank you. One hundred percent Aryan.
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The Archive of the Jewish Telegraphic Agency includes articles published from 1923 to 2008. Archive stories reflect the journalistic standards and practices of the time they were published.
