The Bulletin’s Day Book

When the Bible was rewritten by the wizards of Nazidom, one thing was overlooked. The authors forgot to fix the location of Paradise. After the product of their endeavors, in a superbly coordinated version, came off the press, they discovered the shortcoming and the experts went to work to remedy it.

Now, in what may be regarded as an up-to-date supplement of some 250 pages to the rewritten Bible, irrefutable proof is offered that (1) the region from which the Jews were expelled was actually located in Germany, and, (2) to be more exact was in Goering’s own domain, Prussia.

For the benefit of modern tourists (who will perhaps say Prussia is too big a place in which to search for the lost Garden of Eden), further minutiae are provided as to the former whereabouts of Adam and Eve, the Serpent and the Forbidden Fruit, etc., etc.

According to the newest Nazi dispensation, the contemptible Israelites, characterized by the scientific but strangely anonymous authors as “the spawn of humanity,” have been painstakingly concealing this fact and have for years been giving a false address.

Deucedly clever are the proofs of the National Socialist archeologists. Now the proofs are purely philological, if you know what I mean. For instance, “Torah” means “Law” in Hebrew, and ancient Teutons had a word “Thor” meaning one of their gods. From this it clearly follows that “Torah” was stolen from the Germans. As for Egypt’s “Pharaoh” does anyone doubt that it was plagiarized from “Pfarrer,” the German for “pastor.”

Pursuing their research the Nazi savants demand recognition for a certain mountainous region of the Third Reich as the home of Mount Nizir mentioned in the story of the Flood.

A fitting climax is the dissertation on Elohim, or God in Hebrew, which in the German spelling, when read backward, results in “Michele” or “German.” Who will dare to contradict the inescapable conclusion that since Jews write from right to left, “a German” was a god to them?-L. Z.

NEXT STORY